I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
