youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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