More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
