yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
