so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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