Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
