Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
