Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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