babies were throwing up all over the place
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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