Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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