is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
