happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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