Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
