You smell like stripper and shame
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
