i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
