it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
