He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize