Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
