this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
