Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
