he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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