1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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