Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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