I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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