Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
