i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
