so explain again why im purple
no
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize