Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
