We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
