did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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