I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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