he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
