How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
