Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
