in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
