I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize