I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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