Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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