i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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