you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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