sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
