i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
