Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The ass gains better be worth it
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