I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
