I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
