Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
