Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I smell like Dick and happiness
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