the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
