Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize