There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Enjoy the penises
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
