READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
