Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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