Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
