I wish I could teleport
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
