just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
