i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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