I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
