U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
