so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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