Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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