They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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