ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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