apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
