Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
did i just pee glitter
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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