I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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