Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
