We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
