He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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