I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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