You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
